Choosing To Find The Joy

Some people are calling the year 2020 as the worst year possible.  And for some maybe it has been.  You can choose to focus on the bad, the anger, the sad- those are all very real and deserve to be acknowledged, but I choose to dwell on the things that have been good for our family. 

Sure, things have been extremely different this year.  Strange, even.  We've encountered things this year that we never could have imagined we'd see in our lifetime.  But if you choose to continually live in the doom and gloom, it will eventually consume you and change you into someone you no longer know.  

So, here's our good....

In March the boys were sent home from school to do distance learning.  I was sent home to work from home indefinitely.  I already worked from home 75% of my week, but I wasn't used to the boys being home the same time.  This was a huge adjustment period for all of us.  Distance learning was difficult for my boys.  But I am grateful that I could work from home and still be there to help them each day.  We did get through it- as a team.  

Summer brought us an incredible nanny to help with the boys so I could actually get some work done during the week.  I was still working from home- locked in my makeshift bedroom office (the only room in the house that has a functioning lock) while the boys were home with the nanny.  I learned a locked door doesn't mean a darn thing to three little boys and noise canceling headphones don't drown out their incredible noise.  But, I'm extremely grateful to have such amazing help this Summer from someone who helped the boys (and Tyler and I) grow in immeasurable ways.  

We were also very lucky to be able to do as much camping as we did this year.  Camping isn't new to our family.  We camp every Summer, but we weren't sure how much we'd be able to do since campgrounds in Minnesota were closed at the beginning of the year.  Once they opened, we were able to make numerous reservations, including a week and a half long camping trip to Northern Minnesota as a family.  We were a bit nervous since being out of routine and traveling can be hard for Charlie, which in turn makes it hard for all of us.  But we had an amazing time as a family and our timing was impeccable.  The night before we planned to travel home, all three of the boys told us they were ready to be back in their own beds.  But honestly, so were Tyler and I.  

When school started again this Fall, and with so much uncertainties on how the school year would go, Tyler and I made the huge decision to pull the boys from public school and exclusively homeschool them.  In all transparency, homeschool has been a topic of conversation for a few years.  This year it was barely a question.  We knew there would be a lack of routine this year- something Charlie thrives on, we knew there would be the chance for more distance learning- which we know did not work for our boys earlier this year.  And we knew wearing a mask for hours upon hours each day would be hard for one of our boys to comply with.  We felt homeschool was the best choice for our boys....and we haven't looked back. 

 With the decision to homeschool came a change in my work schedule so I could juggle more during the day without them overlapping.  6am-8am I work before the boys get up.  8-12 is a time to focus on the boys and their school- which I've been able to stick to.  I don't check my work email and I rarely have my phone on me.  That time is exclusively for them.  Then from 12-530 I work again while the boys keep themselves busy with outdoor time, chores, reading, games, puzzles, crafts and some screen time.  We've nailed down a great routine which we have all been thriving in.  Do we have tough days?  You betcha!  But we grow through them together.  The boys' growth in their relationships with one another has been one of my favorite things this year.  They've endured a lot together.  And they've come through this year as champions.  I am incredibly thankful that we've had the chance to homeschool.  There has been so much good that has come from this choice.  It's safe to say the boys have been loving it too.  

Despite some growth, there has been set backs too.  Before the world seemingly shut down, Charlie was doing so well with outings in the community.  His tolerance to being out and about had built up quite nicely.  He was able to go longer without his anxiety stepping in or meltdowns or behaviors.  He was able to rely on Sunny and was able to voice what he needed from her when he was struggling.  As the year has gone on it's obvious that his tolerance to anything outside our house has dwindled greatly.  Something as simple as a walk around our block is difficult.  Forget outings in public.  We've got a solid 20 minutes before meltdowns set in.  And Tyler and I are back to directing Sunny when she needs to task as Charlie's insight has also been set back.  It doesn't help that his therapies were shut down for several months this year and that his amazing skills worker left shortly after the agency started seeing people again- a loss that left a huge hole in our hearts.  Charlie is down to one main therapist that he sees twice a week, which is better than nothing.  He remains on a wait list for a new skills worker, which introducing a new person into his life is never easy.  

We are warmed by the fact that we had seen such huge growth and we know we can see that growth again.  It will just take a lot of work from all of us to get there again.  Hard work that we are all used to by now.  

Then comes the holiday season.  This is always a tricky time to navigate for Charlie.  Disruption in routine, usually lots of traveling to visit various family, lots of time spent in other people's houses, usually large groups of people, loud surroundings resulting in sensory overload, changes in diet and people offering lots of sugar filled treats.  All of which create the perfect storm.  But this year has been different.  We are home, the 5 of us.  There is no traveling and no large groups of people.  We are able to control our surroundings and adjust accordingly if we see stress coming on.  Would we love to see all of our family?  Absolutely.  Would we love for our boys to see their cousins and their aunties and uncles, grandmas and grandpas?  Undeniably yes.  But this isn't forever.  Instead, we're choosing to find the joy and good in all of this.  We're healthy, we're together and we're happy.  Tyler and I still have our jobs.  We are still able to connect with our family in various ways.  We have a roof over our head, heat in our home and food in our bellies.  It's the simple things in life, folks.  We aren't dwelling on what's different or what didn't go our way.  Instead we are choosing to focus on God and the peace, joy, hope and love He brings.  

We always have a choice, friends.  A choice to dwell on the past or live in the present and hope for the future.  A choice to sit in a pit of unfair or a choice to find joy, even if it's in the simplest of things.  For me and my family, we are choosing to find the joy.