Tuesday, June 8, 2021

The Ebb and Flow of This Life

We’re in a rough patch here. It’s always hard to pinpoint what can set our son off track. Maybe it’s the switch from the school year to Summer, change in schedule is always hard. Maybe it’s boredom, or the anticipation of something coming. Maybe it’s because the grass is green. I really don’t know why we spiral down so fast, but we are at the moment. 

It’s always hard to catch my breath when the road gets rough, especially if we’ve been riding a really good wave for awhile. 

It never ceases to amaze me how our son can go from amazingly well for so long to completely out of sorts in the blink of an eye. Like the flip of a switch. 

Recently I thought back to another rough patch a few years ago.  Charlie had been working with his lead therapist for a couple years when I had been talking to her about the ebb and flow that we see and how frustrating and scary it can be- for Charlie, for the whole family.  I’ll never forget her response. She said ‘Charlie can function well, but that doesn’t mean his autism isn’t severe.’ 

It honestly was a punch to the gut. I had accepted that our son had autism. But it was almost like I was holding my breath, waiting for....something. Autism to go away? Maybe. Silly really. I had known it wasn’t going to go away. But I guess I hadn’t considered that our son's life was as severely affected by autism than I had thought.  

During the rough patches it's hard to relax.  It's like watching a storm brewing.  We can see it on the horizon but we don't know how far away it is or when it will hit.  When it does arrive, we wait out the storm as best as we can.  We ride the waves, the ebb and flow.  And we'll come out of it again.  Together.



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