The Good in Unprecedented Times

I think we can all agree that there is plenty of negative going on around the world right now and I can tell you we have had our fair share of struggles these last couple months....big struggles.  But today we had a glimmer of hope.  We were able to see some of the very good that is coming out of this very odd period of time.

Over the last couple months we have seen Charlie and Sunny's bond grow right before our eyes and we didn't even know it.  Since the boys have been doing school from home and our family has been home now more than ever, Sunny and Charlie are with each other 24/7.  They don't have the 6 hours a day apart from one another while Charlie is at school.  Of course, they get small breaks from one another when Sunny goes outside for some alone time or when Charlie is riding bike, etc.  But for the most part, they are together all of the time right now.  And it's only improved their relationship.

Today we got out of the house to explore a nearby state park with tons of hiking, a waterfall and space to run, climb, jump and do whatever it is that little boys need to do to get their wiggles out.  This is the second time the boys have gone out beyond walks and bike rides in the last 2 months.  We all needed this day.

Usually when we're in public with Sunny, either Tyler or I will handle Sunny, with Charlie by her side, since she is still much bigger than Charlie is and easily outweighs him by almost 50 pounds. Every once in awhile Charlie will practice being Sunny's handler when Tyler and I are near to help, but Charlie often loses interest quickly.  Today was different.  Half way into our hike I inadvertently dropped Sunny's leash.  Charlie picked up her leash and away they went.  They walked a little ways in front of Tyler and I and he never handed her leash back the entire time we were at the park (easily over an hour).

The fact that Charlie wanted to handle Sunny floored me, but you know what was even better?  Sunny was amazing.  I know she shouldn't surprise me any more, but she does.  You see, while I was handling Sunny just moments before, she wasn't walking the best for me.  She is a well trained dog and knows how to heal, but it just wasn't happening the greatest at that time.  The moment Charlie took her leash she was by his side and walked beautifully with him.  There it is...that bond.  We've noticed other little things these past few weeks with these two.  Like how Sunny hates it when Charlie is out of sight.  If she's outside with him while he's playing and Charlie rides his bike down the sidewalk or runs around the side of the house, Sunny will position herself so he is within sight and she can see where he is going.  So, these last couple of months may not have been the easiest, but I think there has been some good that has come from it.  These two....they're becoming two peas in a pod.

Lessons from a Crisis Schooling Mom

In this time of great uncertainty during the Covid-19 pandemic people are forced to educate their children from home.  Some are calling this homeschooling, but in reality, this is crisis schooling.  Homeschooling would look much different.  Crisis schooling is what we have been thrown into without a choice and forced to figure it out along the way.  Some may be enjoying it.  Others may be enduring or just getting by.  I think we are somewhere in-between.

Sunny encourages Charlie to get his work done with lots of kisses

Both Tyler and I are considered essential employees at our jobs.  I'm lucky enough to be able to do my job from home, but as a social worker I have the uncertainty of being called out into the community at any time.  Tyler works at Mayo Clinic and is extremely essential as he makes supplies and equipment related to Covid-19 needs.

So while I'm required to put my work hours in from home I also have the additional responsibility of overseeing the boys getting their school work done at the same time.  Three boys all doing different tasks, two who have IEPs (Individual Education Program), and one who needs almost constant prompting and assistance.  Let that sink in for a minute.  There has never been a better example of the expression "being pulled in 6 different directions at once."  Throw in daily meltdowns and numerous motivational speeches and it gets to be a lot.  But here are some things I've learned along the way:

School doesn't need to happen sitting in a chair at the table.  In fact, my boys seem to learn best and focus better if they do their tasks in the weirdest most odd places/positions around the house.  Since this isn't homeschool, we don't have the luxury of learning in different environments.  They are required to do the work the teacher sends them and most of it is through an iPad.

The stairs are the perfect place to get things done

Christian doing his school work while riding his skateboard

It's ok if you don't get ALL the projects done around the house even though you're home.  The first couple weeks I stressed about not being able to get extra things done at home, until I realized that for us, doing extra right now isn't realistic.  We are in survival mode.  Do what you can, when you can.  No one is winning medals at the end of all of this.

Mama, it's ok if you don't have all the answers.  We are in uncharted territory.  We are bound to run into something we have no idea how to handle.

It doesn't hurt a thing if your child needs a small break in between each school task.  Yes, it may take longer to get it done, but we have no where to go anyway.

Sometimes you just need to soak in the sun and feel the grass beneath your feet (well, before it decided to snow again in Minnesota anyway).

Don't worry if you don't teach your kids like their teacher does.  It's not going to torture your child to learn the "old way" of solving math problems if that's the way you know how
to explain it to them.  And it's ok if you, as the parent, don't understand how to solve math using common core....don't worry, no one really does.

Getting our wiggles out in the morning before school work is practically mandatory.  I don't care if it means going for a walk, a bike ride, rock climbing, yoga, jumping jacks or running a few laps around the house, it needs to be done.

Sometimes school comes last and managing mental health and behaviors come first. And don't apologize for making that choice.

It's ok if you don't become a Pinterest mom during all of this.  Some days I call it a victory when all I've accomplished is knowing my kids have been fed (just being real here).

Being silly is a must at our house.

Snuggles and movies are sometimes the remedy to being overwhelmed.  Wine doesn't hurt either.

Naps are acceptable.

Telehealth is not for everyone.  We've maybe had one good session in the last 4 weeks.  I'm not going to push it.

It's ok if the kids have a little more screen time than they normally do.  If that's what brings a little more sanity to your day, then by all means, do it!

Sometimes we need a little help from our friends.

There are no perfect days.  

Don't feel bad if you're not having the time of your life while in quarantine.  It's ok to say this is hard.  Because it is.

We all need to have a little more grace these days.  More grace with each other and with ourselves.  We're all just trying to get by right now.

Charlie doing telehealth with his lead therapist

This Isn't a Staycation

Well, we've survived 2 weeks at home.  Our family has been social distancing at home with the exception of Tyler going to work every day.  I work from home while keeping the boys engaged every day.  This last week was technically their Spring Break.  On Wednesday Minnesota's Governor ordered a Stay At Home Executive Order which asks people to stay home as much as possible for at least the next two weeks, but which also closed the schools through May 3.  The boys will start distance learning from their school-issued iPads on Monday (3/30/2020).

As much as I'd like it to be, this isn't a staycation for our family.  This isn't a fun time where we have endless time every day to play games, do puzzles, complete house projects or have never-ending snuggles.  Nope.  Instead I am up well before dawn so I can get a couple hours of work in before the boys wake up.  Tyler is usually at work no later than 4:30am.  During the day I'm juggling work demands with the needs of the boys.  Yes, they are old enough to entertain themselves for awhile, and most days they have to when I have several conference calls in a day.  In the afternoon it's trying to get more work done after Tyler is home and sometimes working again in the evening after the boys go to bed.  Social work hasn't stopped during Covid-19- there's a lot we do that people don't even realize is going on.  The medical supplies Tyler makes at Mayo Clinic hasn't stopped either.  In fact, we are both more busy now than we ever have been at our jobs.  By the time the weekend rolls around, we are too exhausted to worry about house projects that we are supposed to have time for now.

We can roll with the punches.  We can deal with the changes.  Easton, I think, is loving this.  He is a homebody and prefers to be at home.  So all of this is no big deal for him.  Christian is so laid back that this change hasn't really phased him at all.  Charlie, on the other hand, has struggled the most.  A lot has changed for him.  His routine, which he thrives off of, has been thrown off it's axis.  His numerous therapies he has throughout the week have all stopped.  Yes, the therapies that have helped him so incredibly much throughout the years has been suspended the last two weeks and ongoing.

Charlie makes hard separations in his life; school takes place at school, home is home.  Even when school was in session it was hard to get him to do his homework because in his mind, school work should be done at school, not home.  But now, home is now many things.  It's not only home, but also school, OT, therapy and skills work.  This has been the hardest part of all these changes.  Tyler and I are not only parents, but we are now also the teacher, the therapist, the skills worker, the lunch lady, the physical education director and keeping up with regular household demands.  Yes, some of these roles have always been in place, but now the job description has changed to encompass all aspects of life.  With Charlie we focus on goals, keeping his body regulated, and navigating the increase in meltdowns to keep him safe. We work on sensory input throughout the day so his body doesn't feel so out of sorts. We work on social skills which is hard when you're social distancing. All the while trying to support and engage with Easton and Christian too.

Sunny's work has changed too.  Instead of doing a lot of work out in the community with Charlie, she is now doing all her work at home with him.  There are specific tasks she only does in the community that I fear she will lose because she is not using them consistently.  Over the last two weeks we have definitely went on plenty of walks which is where we'll have to start incorporating some of her community tasks so she remembers what they are.

I don't write this to complain.  I don't write this to get sympathy.  I simply want to put this out there so people can see that this blip in time isn't sunshine and roses for everyone.  This blog is meant to educate and show how we do life with autism.  And right now has been more challenging than we ever imagined. What I wouldn't give to be bored for a couple hours! We are trying to find peace and joy amidst the chaos every day.  It's the silence I hear early in the morning when most of the world is still asleep.  It's the first sip of coffee in the morning.  It's the family dinners together where we've had some really good conversations with the boys (even though this was something we did even before social distancing).  It's the long drawn out walks we take in the evenings as a last ditch effort to get some energy run off the boys (and Sunny).  This isn't a staycation.  Nope.  For us, this is survival.