Riding the Rollercoaster

We're just riding the autism rollercoaster over here.  And I'll admit, we're exhausted.  We went camping at a local county park over the weekend.  Our first weekend out camping for the season.  We figured if it didn't go well or if the weather was bad, we could always head home since we were so close.  The boys have grown up camping.  Tyler and I camped before we had kids and we always wanted our kids to enjoy the outdoors as much as us.  We've had an Airstream camper for the last 12 years that we love and it works well for our family.

All the boys were excited to get out to the campground when we picked them up from school on Friday.  The excitement was quite adorable actually.  They were pumped.  They had their bikes with them, there's a small zoo within walking distance from the campground, playgrounds, and just plain outdoor fun.  But for Charlie that excitement quickly changed into anxiety.  Our routine was different.  We were cooking outside, eating dinner outside- all of which he knows happens when we camp.  But when it comes time for it to actually happen, that transition, those changes, become too much for him.  He tries so hard to keep it together.  The evening got away from us and before we knew it, it was WAY past bedtime.  Cue meltdown.

And then Saturday morning came.....very, very early.  All the boys were awake by 6am.  The rest of the campground, as well as mom and dad, were not.  We did our best to keep them quietly entertained in the camper for a couple of hours with breakfast, cartoons and books.  When we let them go outside they went instantly for their bikes.  It didn't take long before Charlie came back into the camper and was quite upset.  And even now, a day and a half later, and I still don't know what he was upset about.      When he gets to the point where he's extremely upset he has a hard time vocalizing what is going on.  So he had some snuggle time with mom inside the camper to help get regulated.

Mid morning we decided to walk to the zoo and check out all the animals.  It's a small zoo, yet there's lots of walking.  It never fails that Charlie just can't make it the entire way.  He was able to talk dad into a shoulder ride for a portion of the end of our walk.  And yes, Sunny goes to the zoo with us as well.  She was a great help to Charlie throughout our visit- even if some of the animals weren't fans of Sunny.

The rest of Saturday included more bike rides, lunch, games, bikes, snacks, popsicles, playing at the playground and getting muddy.  All of that was interspersed with some tough social interactions with other kids that needed a lot of intervening, coaching and problem solving.  We knew all the boys had ran hard all day in the fresh air and knew it would be important to keep bedtime at a decent hour.  But Saturday wouldn't be complete without a campfire, some dessert and smores!  

We also knew that Sunday would be tough.  The transition from the campground back home is never easy and we were ready for some kickback.  We spent Sunday morning roaming around the zoo once more, but this time Charlie had a tougher time.  Tyler and I were both able to focus on Charlie while the other two boys were able to roam the zoo with family that was with us.  Usually it's Tyler and I splitting up; one of us takes Charlie and Sunny duty while the other is in charge of the other two boys.  The entire hour and a half that we were at the zoo was constant monitoring, following, coaching, and diverting meltdowns.  It was exhausting.  And honestly, this is one part of autism we hate.  It takes so much out of us.  It takes so much out of Charlie and it takes so much out of Tyler and I.  After we're done dealing with a long period of being constantly on guard, we're spent.  We know we still need to try and be social (especially since we were camping with others), but by this point all we both want to do is retreat.  When autism exhaustion sets in like that we don't want to be social.  We don't want to sit around and carry on "normal" conversations.  I'll admit we sometimes don't even want to be around others.  

Soon after the zoo we started to pack everything up to go home.  We didn't even get out of the campground before the transition meltdown began.  And it lasted well into us getting home and starting to unpack (hour or more total).  This is when I started to panic.  That's when I let myself remember we booked our Summer solid.  We wanted to do more camping this Summer and I'll admit it kind of snow-balled on us.  We have two camping trips scheduled in June, all of July is booked (including a long weekend for the 4th) and every weekend in August until the boys start school the week before Labor Day.  That even includes a week long vacation of camping.  Yep.  I panicked.  How are we supposed to get through the Summer when every weekend will undoubtedly look like this?  When I know we'll have meltdown after meltdown to endure.  And this is amidst Summer....one of Charlie's hardest times!  What were we thinking?!  Overall this camping trip went well, but there's large moments like this that are very challenging and take a lot out of us. 

We know there's not much more we can do but take it one day at a time.  One camping trip at a time.  I've told Tyler that I'm ok if we need to cancel a weekend trip and swallow a reservation fee or deposit on a campsite.  Because our sanity is worth much more than a deposit on a campsite.  I'm ok if it means more down time at home during the week.  I know we have great support with Charlie's therapist and skills worker who can help Charlie and us work through these challenges.  So I guess for the time being we take it one step at a time.  Maybe this Summer it will mean taking it one hour at a time.