Verbal Doesn't Equal Communication

Most people think that if a person is verbal, they have no communication issues.  That couldn't be farther from the truth.  Our son Charlie is verbal.  He can carry on a conversation with you, he can tell you what he needs/wants (sometimes), he can tell you what he sees, hears, smells, etc. But many times he has a difficult time forming his thoughts into words- especially when he's overwhelmed, frustrated or upset.

Charlie using Sunny to stay calm, distracted and grounded.

There have been times when Charlie is telling a story and ends up repeating a word over and over because he can't seem to get the next word out or form his thoughts enough to get the remainder of the story to come out.  Many times he'll give up, which makes Tyler and I sad to see.  Other times he'll be able to remain calm and tell us that he'll try again when he remembers what he's talking about.

Today Charlie was trying to tell me he wanted to watch a movie.  He had a specific movie in mind, but couldn't tell me which movie he was talking about.  It didn't help that he didn't remember the name of the movie.  So when he tried to explain what happened in the movie- and couldn't do that successfully- he got upset and frustrated and gave up.  When I tried to help him through his thoughts- who were the people in the movie?  Were there any animals in the movie? Was it a cartoon movie or a real people movie? He couldn't give me any answers.  I could tell his mind was spinning- he just couldn't get it all into words.  It takes an enormous amount of patience to help him get through these moments, and I'll admit some days it takes a large amount of energy to show up with that patience.  I simply waited for him to be ready.  I told him that I'd be ready to listen whenever he was ready to try explaining again.  I'm not joking when I say I waited over a half an hour for him to try again.  But when he came back to me he had all his words ready and was able to explain what movie he was looking for.

Luckily Charlie was able to stay calm while gathering his thoughts- coloring inside a box.

We've come to rely on Charlie's non-verbal communication as cues to how he's feeling when he can't adequately describe what's going on.  We know cues like his body getting tense, a certain moaning sound he makes over and over when he's upset, when he gets quiet and won't make eye contact with us, when he can't follow direction or certain tasks.  Some days it's a guessing game.