This weekend was a hard one. We had 2 days of various activities and it wasn't hard to see it was too much for Charlie. He was way overstimulated both Friday and Saturday and his body just couldn't figure out how to regulate, sending Charlie into massive meltdowns. These moments are really hard on Charlie and difficult for Tyler and I as well. Dealing with meltdowns is exhausting- both emotionally and physically. To give you a picture- there is usually screaming, head banging, scratching himself, throwing items, unloading entire bookshelves or toy chests, tearing beds apart. This weekend there was also meltdowns in the vehicle (not uncommon) which included stopping numerous times because he will get out of his 5 point harness in his car seat, trying to keep him from banging toys on the window and potentially breaking the glass, and keeping him from kicking the seat/door. We hate to see him go through this and it's exhausting- for all of us. When we got home Saturday night both Tyler and I were beyond stressed. The hard day turned into a hard night because of bed time troubles. I'll be honest, the day left me feeling like a failure. Like I couldn't do enough to help my boy. Like no matter what we do or say, Autism wins. After praying for strength, patience and a new look at a new day, I finally went to bed completely depleted.
Today started with sweet "good morning mama" and "happy mudders day!" I was presented with those amazing hand-made projects the kids make in school that totally melted my heart. I was told by Tyler that the day was mine. Whatever I wanted to do we would do it. A hollow feeling started in my chest because in reality we wouldn't be able to do whatever. I had a list of fun things to do running through my mind, but I knew we wouldn't be able to do them. There is no way we'd be able to do any of those things without huge battles, without numerous meltdowns, without becoming completely exhausted. We talked about it and agreed it would be best to just stay home and try to have a mellow day- or basically recover from the last 2 days. Tyler told me to take a few hours and get out of the house by myself and do what I needed/wanted to do (best gift he could have given me since he knew I was on the verge of burn out. Thank you, love!).
Coming home a bit more refreshed, I walked in on Christian and Charlie napping (that rarely happens anymore) and Easton having quiet time. Dad had tired them out. They ran around outside, played in the pool, the sprinkler and helped put up Charlie's new swing. Remember when I said Charlie has more sensory needs than most people? Well, we've been looking into some equipment that we can have at home for Charlie that can help give him the sensory input he needs- and we were even lucky enough to qualify for a grant that can help us get this much needed equipment. The first item we got him is an indoor swing.
Charlie absolutely loves it. When he wasn't outside today he was in his swing. And maybe that was all the difference today made from the rest of the weekend. You see, this Mother's Day wasn't what I had pictured, the day didn't go as I had wanted. It actually turned out better. Today turned out to be exactly how it needed to be for our family. As the boys played outside in the sun, as we sat down for a family dinner I realized the day couldn't have been more perfect. Everyone was calm, relaxed. I was able to lay with my boys as they fell asleep tonight, feel their soft skin as I rubbed their backs and smelled their hair...I felt like the luckiest mom on Earth.
Happy Mother's Day.
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