The Brother Bond

 

I've been having difficulty in finding my words to keep writing the last couple of months.  Some of that might be the divide within the autism community lately.  Some of it might be that Charlie is getting older and I'm very aware of his privacy and his own wants for his life.  Maybe that doesn't include this blog.  It's something we're being thoughtful over. 

But one thing that has been on my mind lately are these two boys and their relationship with one another.

It's ever evolving. 

These two couldn't be further from opposite.  Twins, yes, but there are very few things that are the same about them.  Their personalities are completely different, their likes and dislikes are polar opposites, even their sense of humor differs.  At age 9 they are still trying to figure each other out.  Autism can do that, throw in twists and turns and the unexpected.  And for a 9 year old boy it can be difficult to understand.  Charlie was diagnosed with autism at age 4.  He and his twin brother Christian have been trying to navigate their relationship with one another their whole lives.  Being twins you'd think it would be easy, but they've known from an early age that not everything in life comes easily.  

Christian works hard daily to understand how and why Charlie does certain things.  It can be confusing for him.  And frustrating at times.  Their relationship is tumultuous most days, intense and a little wild.  But every once in awhile we get these little glimpses of tenderness and inexplicable bond between them.  We know they love each other and care for one another.  They are just trying to figure out how their love for one another fits into their lives since each of them shows their love so incredibly different from the other.  We'll be here for them the entire way with hopes that their differences will someday bring them closer together.  

Task Trained

With the warmer Minnesota weather, we've been able to get outside more often which has given Charlie and Sunny time to work together as a team and practice some of the tasks Sunny hasn't used on a regular basis during the pandemic. 

Charlie has been wanting to handle Sunny independently lately, which we're thrilled about.  Typically myself or Tyler are the handlers while in public, but this is a great way for Charlie to start taking over as lead handler eventually.  Either Tyler or myself are never far away to help or intervene if need be.  I mean, Sunny still out-weighs Charlie by a good 50lbs. 

When we go on family walks Sunny rarely has her working vest on. She is free to relax and enjoy her walk as a regular dog. But lately we've witnessed how much she responds to Charlie. Even without her vest, she is seen in this picture doing a solid "block" with Charlie. Block is when she securely stands in front of Charlie to block him from going further, typically at a road or intersections. 

Charlie knows going in the road is not safe, but often he is distracted or not paying attention and will forget to look for cars.

One task that Charlie uses with Sunny every day is "lap" or "full on" where Sunny will lay on Charlie.  This gives Charlie deep pressure from Sunny which is known as deep pressure therapy.  Deep pressure helps Charlie to calm down, feel more regulated and gain more control over his body.  This is probably the number 1 task Sunny does for Charlie.  They use it at home, the park, the grocery store, the dentist....wherever we are!  This is one reason Sunny sleeps with Charlie each night as well.  

There are numerous tasks Sunny is trained to help Charlie with, which, being trained to do tasks specifically for Charlie is what makes her a true service dog.  Different tasks serve different purposes, such as keeping Charlie safe, helping him to regulate his body within his surroundings, or just being able to navigate life with varying abilities each day.  

Acceptance

April 2nd is World Autism Day. Technically the entire month of April is Autism Acceptance/Awareness month, but honestly, autism isn't something that my family strives to bring awareness and inclusion to just one month out of the year. We fight for acceptance and inclusion daily. 

Can I ask you to do something? 

If you see someone who is different, don't stare or make judgements.  Smile.  Say hi.  Leave space for them to respond and don't get upset if they don't, they may not have their words yet.  Offer to help a parent who may be struggling in a situation with their child- an offer to push their cart of carry their bags may be exactly what they need in that moment.  Teach your children to be inclusive and kind.  Kindness never goes out of style and we all know our world can use more of it.  Teach your children that different is ok, not less, not scary.  Wouldn't life be boring if we were all the same?  We can't break down barriers unless we get involved, learn and grow together.  Embrace different abilities.