Please Be Kind

With Halloween upon us tomorrow I thought it would be important to put this reminder out there.  Be accepting of all the little ones visiting your doorstep on Halloween.  Be accepting.  Be kind.

The kiddo grabbing more than one piece of candy may struggle with fine motor skills or the kid who takes forever to choose a piece of candy might have motor planning issues.  A kiddo who doesn't say "trick or treat" or "thank you" upon leaving may be non-verbal.  Or the kiddo who looks disappointed when seeing the bowl of goodies may have allergies and can't take anything from those options.  And the little one not wearing a costume may have sensory issues or Sensory Processing Disorder and can't stand the feel of a costume.

Sometimes kids with special needs don't even know what is going on or why they are supposed to be dressing up or going door to door.  Children with autism may get easily overwhelmed with the costumes, people everywhere, noises, sugar, and the excitement of the other kiddos around them.  Keep in mind it takes a lot of planning, preparation, flexibility, and courage for special needs families to navigate things like Halloween.

Last year Charlie was excited about being a police officer.  It was the first year he really took interest in actually wanting to dress up.  So you better believe we did everything we could to find him a police costume.  He kept the costume on for about 10 minutes before deciding he couldn't stand it any longer, and took it off.  Luckily we were trick or treating in doors when that happened and he could easily walk around without freezing.  This year Charlie is already wavering on his decision to dress up.  At first he said he would be a police officer again, but ever since then (that was several weeks ago) he has said he isn't dressing up.  I guess we'll see what happens when everyone is getting ready to head out trick or treating.

Just remember to be flexible this Halloween and above else, be kind.

A Different Way of Life

As much as having a service dog has been helpful for Charlie, it still brings it's challenges.  We want to thank all of the people who have embraced this new way of life with us, those of you who have welcomed us AND SUNNY into your home for visits and playdates or those of you who have accepted Sunny as another member of our family.  You have no idea how grateful we are to those of you who don't even bat an eye at the 80lb giant laying under the table when we come to visit you at your house. Thank you for being so warm and welcoming.  We appreciate all of you who never second guess having Sunny with us during a playdate- no matter where we are. 

Even though at times it seems like she isn't doing anything, she is helping Charlie far more than it appears.  Even though Charlie seems to be doing wonderful while we're visiting or out and about, it's the aftermath, the transition of our activity with you to going home that is the hardest for him.  That is when he feels comfortable enough to let go of everything he has been holding together during our time with you. It's not something personal to you, it's something that happens no matter where we are.

And if you happen to be with us when Sunny is off-duty, thank you for realizing she isn't a typical "pet" and still has an important job to do at a moment's notice.  Even at home when she doesn't have her vest on, Sunny can be "on-call" at any time.  We never know when Charlie will go into meltdown mode or have difficulty with something that requires Sunny's intervention. 

If you have friends/acquaintances/family that have a service dog, I ask that you please be aware of how different a person's day to day life can be-even with a service dog.  When given the choice, I'm sure many of us service dog teams wish there wasn't a need for a service dog.  But since there is a need, we thank you for embracing this different way of life with us.  When you accept this and embrace it- you will see what a wonderful relationship this is for Charlie and Sunny (and our whole family, really).

Service Dog Encounters: The Do's and Dont's

Service Dog Etiquette

A service dog team is made up of the service dog and the person the dog is trained to perform tasks for.  In some cases, like ours, our team is made up of Sunny, our son Charlile and then either my husband or I as the handler since Charlie is too small to handle Sunny on his own.  We got Sunny for Charlie a little over a year ago to help mitigate his Autism.  We started this blog to help people understand why we were going this route and why we were doing massive fundraising while Sunny was being trained.  Along the way we saw the importance of helping to educate people about Autism and how it impacts the person and their family.  We also quickly realized how much education needs to be done around service dogs with the general public.  We are constantly educating the people around us when we are out with Charlie and Sunny.  And in order to reach more people, I wanted to write something about what NOT to do when you encounter a service dog team.  So, here goes.

Do's and Don'ts

1. Do NOT pet a service dog while it's working.  I repeat....DO NOT PET a service dog when it is working.  A service dog has a job to do- sometimes that job means life or death to the person they're serving.  Being distracted can cause them to mis cues or commands they need to read to help their person.  While in our case it's not life or death for Charlie, it's very distracting to Sunny to be approached, pet or talked to by someone outside of our immediate family.  This distraction takes her focus off of Charlie and she could miss an opportunity to help him if needed.  With this being said, there are some service dog teams that may not always follow this.  So please, ask permission before petting the dog- but don't be surprised if the owners answer is no.  And parents- we love it when we hear you instructing your children to not pet them or distract them.

Deep pressure therapy (DPT) at home with Charlie

2.  Do NOT distract a service dog.  This means do not: call for the dog if you know their name, make kissy noises, whistle or pat your leg to get them to notice you, make baby talk or talk to them in general, offer them food (please please please don't offer the dog food or try to feed them- they are often on a strict diet), point, wave, crowd them, touch their equipment or basically do anything to draw their attention away from their person.  Many dogs are trained to stay in work mode until released by their owner and are able to ignore a lot of outside influences.  

Working with Charlie to tolerate busy public places

3. Don't allow your dog/animal to approach a service dog.  We understand there will be times we encounter other animals when we are out and about.  However, it is really helpful if you keep your animal a safe distance from us.  Service dogs usually have very good temperaments, but we don't need to worry about the distraction of another animal approaching us or any possible altercations with other animals.  Speak to the handler instead of approaching the dog.  Just because you can't interact with the dog doesn't mean the owner doesn't want to interact with you.

4.  Be respectful.  Always.  Asking the owner about their disability or medical history is never ok.  It's an invasion of privacy and most people don't want to discuss their medical issues.  When we are talking with people about Charlie and Sunny we are usually very open about why we have Sunny.  This is part of our mission to educate people on Autism- but please know not everyone is as open as we are.  However, keep in  mind we aren't always able or wanting to talk.  Sometimes we want just want to run a quick errand and go home, just like you do.  If you encounter a service dog team in public- don't point, stare, take pictures or yell out "look, a dog!" or  make a big commotion about it, it's rude.

5. Not all service dogs are the same. Service dogs come in all different shapes, colors, breeds and sizes.  You identify a service dog by sight alone and unfortunately, fake service dogs are becoming very common, which does a lot of damage to legitimate service dog teams.  Please don't judge our obviously well-trained, well-mannered, quiet, groomed, highly responsive service dog based on the behavior of some yippy, aggressive, dog that someone claimed was a "service dog."  Behavior tells all.

6. Don't assume a service dog doesn't get down time or is not loved.  Service dogs often get plenty of time to be normal dogs where they can play, have fun and relax.  Service dogs are often very loved and get plenty of time off to be a regular dog.  Sunny has plenty of down time, gets treats, gets exercise, runs around, and yes- tons of belly rubs (her favorite).

Playing with the boys at home- waiting for belly rubs

Relaxing at home

7. Please know there is no certification required.  There are no papers, certificates, IDs, documentation or any other required information for us to have Sunny out in public with us.  So if someone tells you their service dog is certified, it's a good indicator it's a fake service dog.  Not only is there no documentation required, but it's illegal for anyone to ask us for proof.  The only 2 questions a place of business can ask us is: 1. is the dog is a service dog and 2. what tasks is the dog trained for.  That's it, nothing more. Plus, please know service dogs don't always wear vests or other service dog insignia.  In fact, by law they are not required to wear a vest if the owner doesn't find it necessary.  

Enjoying her bone outside- what a treat!

8. Be aware there is a difference between a therapy dog, an emotional support animal and service dogs.  Therapy and emotional support animals typically do not have the same intense training as a service dog.  While therapy and emotional support animals can be super helpful for their people to stay calm or destress, they aren't trained to perform specific tasks nor do they have the same legal rights as a service dog.  Do not try to pass your dog off as a service animal and do not blur the lines between a therapy/emotional support animal and service dog.  Did you know there are only 2 animals recognized by the ADA as service animals?  Only dogs and miniature horses are recognized by the ADA as service animals.  

So, just remember to be a respectful, decent human being when you come in contact with a service dog team.  They don't want to feel like a spectacle at the zoo.

Dentist

A couple of big wins for Charlie and Sunny lately.  A couple weeks ago all of the boys had dentist check-ups.  Visits to the dentist have never been easy for Charlie and it usually ends with him refusing to cooperate.  His last visit he would only allow the hygienist to touch the toothbrush to 2 teeth (that in itself was a huge success for him).  

But this visit was different.  This visit, Sunny was with us and able to make a huge difference.  Charlie got into the dental chair just fine and once Sunny got onto his lap he let the hygienist clean all of his teeth (still no toothpaste- he can't stand the taste and feel of it)!

At this dental visit the hygienist found a cavity in one of Charlie's teeth.  This is not a big surprise since Charlie has always had such a hard time tolerating having his teeth brushed or using toothpaste.   As we left that appointment we made a second appointment to have the cavity filled.  

I was not looking forward to this next visit- I knew it would be a tough sell to get Charlie to cooperate.  But I had a plan.  We prepped Charlie as best we could about the appointment. Knowing this appointment would take a little longer we gave Sunny the "full on" command to get up on top of Charlie while he was in the dental seat to give him the most reassurance. 

Charlie was reluctant to use the gas at first, but settled in when we told him it wouldn't hurt him at all.  Charlie was able to hang on to Sunny the entire time, which especially helped when the dentist gave him the novocaine.  Sunny stayed on his lap and kept him calm the entire procedure.  Super proud of this boy and how brave he was!